Creator Diaries Week 0

“Whatever you do, be it small, big; have a goal and believe in yourself."

-Markiplier

I am sitting here writing this terrified. With content creation I find myself in the middle of the ocean. I can swim but I am no expert. I simply float. In the past I have stream, worked on socials for a brand, and lived vicariously through others socials. Technology seemingly has always been fascinating to me. So it really was no surprise that the past few months I started up a Youtube and Twitch channel. It became my new obsession. I learned some new editing skills and continuously improved my stream set-up. Then something happened that I hadn't quite expected. People followed me. It was exhilarating: 20 followers, 40, 100... as the number climbed so did my obsession with numbers then the fear kicked in.

That voice in the back of my head saying I was not actually good at this alongside the self-prescribed expectation of living up to others standards. I felt that people were investing in me and it scared me. What if I did not live up to those investments? My brain reacted for me, I pulled away from streaming and Youtube. I spent the following months trying to distract. My efforts switched to job searching because after all a job is more stable. Clock in, do your job, clock out. Twitch was a pipe dream, not something for me, not ever. The reality is I was running from something that brought me great joy and happiness. Something that gave me freedom to be creative, to write, to game, to build a community where listening and respect came first. I had ran away because I let the world tell me what to do again.

I prayed, I talked to trusted friends and every time this idea of what I wanted to build came up. Creating is something that brings me great joy. Leading up to this point, I have grown in ways that help me in building this little corner of the internet up. It's as if the lines began to all connect and I saw how it lead me here. Quite poetic, huh?

Going forward I am giving myself permission to fail. Allowing myself to believe that my work does not define my worth, but rather my work is a byproduct of my worth. I will chase this dream, no matter how many times I have to get up. Even if it is for a season, I will cherish it and leave the worry at God's feet.

These blog posts are as much for me as for others. A reminder that the jump is terrifying. Life is unpredictable, but good. No matter what happens, we continue to improve, we continue to strive for greatness.

xoxo Rina

Hey, I am glad you are here!

If you are wanting to watch my journey live, feel free to come chat (or lurk) on Twitch.

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