Creator Diaries Week 1

"You are no longer stuck, but you cannot tell where you are going."

-Julia Cameron, The Artist Way

This week was not as productive as I had hoped. Not to say nothing was done, only seemed like the week went by too quick and I was far too distracted. I streamed a couple of times this week, worked on getting this blog working, and did not record. The quote above by Julia Cameron ended up summing up my week perfectly (she totally read my mail in this week's chapter of The Artist Way).

Now onto the emotional bits, because lets be honest that is what drives a majority of our decisions yet often what we try to hide the most. I believe nerves have prevented me from some of my progress, like recording. Something I tend to put off the most. Even if it is not nerves, I have distracted myself quite efficiently, there were many a late nights of gaming both alone and with friends. I cite lack of discipline and maybe that is it, maybe I have gotten so used to my loose schedule this past year that I am having a hard time breaking out of it, however my avoidance is what makes me question if I really want it. The problem is I know that I do, I have loved games and writing since I was a kid. I have come back to Twitch and Youtube multiple times. So then why is it so hard to do the things we love? Likely because there are easier and more engaging distractions out there. I could blame those distractions, heck I could blame literally anything else, but at the end of the day it comes down to me to change.

Ironically the emotional part of starting all this is hard to write, I mean definitely easier for me to write it than to say it out loud but still. Maybe because writing it out forces me to confront the actual emotions. Even so, I am over all the videos that make it seem like chasing your dreams are easy. The "I jumped and everything just worked out". It is uncomfortable and half the time I don't even know what I want. On these thoughts I may change my mind in the future, but right now my days seems like a roller-coaster, pinpoints of happiness followed by long bouts of questioning this path. Either way we keeping stepping forward.

This week I want to focus on solidifying a schedule and getting into the routine of writing, recording, and streaming. It feels like I am a baby deer, struggling to stand on wobbly legs wondering how I will ever be able to run. They say that consistency is key and that is what I am betting on. Well that and God's grace because Lord knows I could never do this on my own. Ideally this week I will record and upload one video, stream 3 times and write two blogs (hopefully publish too). I have written out my plans for the week and hope that will help.

Until next week,

xoxo Rina

Hey, I am glad you are here!

If you are wanting to watch my journey live, feel free to come chat (or lurk) on Twitch.

More of a Youtube fiend? Well you're in luck, check my Youtube out here.